


Break A Leg (Merde)

by mygoldenights (orphan_account)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Ballet, Alternate Universe - Dance, Angst, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Vague Ending, junhoon is an underrated ship that needs more recognition, this is for the #junhoonfest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 11:03:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20446082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/mygoldenights
Summary: His own injury wasn’t the only thing that broke Jihoon’s heart.





	Break A Leg (Merde)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fanfic ever and honestly, I have no idea if this work is even appropriate for the JunHoon fest because this is straight-up angst. I wanted this to be fluffy, I was hoping while I was pantsing this up there will be fluff but lol my brain just automatically says "write angst cause life is angst" so lol here I am!
> 
> If you hadn't noticed the characters, everyone starts with J. Completely coincidental.
> 
> If you have any reactions, leave a comment or go to my cc @mygoldenights
> 
> I also have twitter so if you wanna dm me there, go ahead why not, it's @HyesunNights
> 
> Constructive criticism is appreciated but hate comments are not. There's a fine line between them :)
> 
> That's all, enjoy the story!
> 
> PS. There's a lot of ballet terms here so if you don't know what it is, Google is just one click away

“Alright, everyone! Take your places and in position!”

Kim Jonghyun, one of the ballet masters of Seoul Ballet Theatre, hollered to catch every dancer’s attention. It worked as the laughter and whispers died down. From where I am sitting, I see a couple of dancers shuffling to tie their pointe shoes as quickly yet efficiently as possible. Those must be apprentices, I thought, smirking at how scared they must be. Someone should tell them that Jonghyun is the most lenient in terms of wasting time and time granted that all ballet masters of this company are strict with everything.

The noise is now replaced with silence and the humor is replaced with seriousness. I can feel everyone’s intense focus as Jonghyun observed the room before nodding at me to start the music.

Hitting the first notes of Peter James’ _Adagio_ drowns me into a musical fixation. This piece gives me a lot of memories as I remember the time when I wasn’t pressing chords and notes but was dancing in shoes and tights. The exhilaration I felt every time I jump and turn…the satisfaction I get whenever I accomplished a difficult choreography…I miss it. Until now, I still ask myself if the decision to quit was worth it. That I exchanged dancing for something else.

I must have been playing more than I should have because Jonghyun tapped my shoulder and told me _Martin Akerwall_ was next. “Jihoon, I know you enjoy being a pianist but the dancers need a break from this first set of our Barre, yeah?” He joked, but I still flinched out of embarrassment. ‘My ears feel hot,’ I thought. I mumbled a sorry and proceeded with the piece “Plie 1”.

I could feel eyes at me, and I know it’s from Junhui. I don’t want to look at the concern I don’t need.

It’s been half a year since I quit ballet, and have healed from my ankle injury and shifted to another path.

(It’s also been a year since we broke up.)

Male dancers are expected to jump as high as, if not more than female dancers as well as lift them to make them stand out. The moment I’ve learned of these expectations and responsibilities put a lot of pressure on me. Now that I’m older, I envy my nine-year-old self whose worry was only to raise his leg the same length as his peers. I also envy my sixteen-year-old self for being the tallest one in class, pride in his chest as his instructors always chose him for recitals and competitions as the first pick, and giving the most challenging lifts.

As I shifted the keys to play Plie #2 so the dancers can start their tendus, I glanced at the tallest member of the corps de ballet. Kim Mingyu may be the clumsiest guy he has ever known, but those legs can definitely take him far. It would only be a matter of time before he's promoted to a soloist and then a principal dancer.

I could have been a principal dancer.

I could have been with Junhui dancing my heart out, performing on stage in front of thousands of people and a standing ovation would follow.

But I didn’t. Instead of listening to him, I listened to my insecurities.

That the leg injury was the end of my career. That I will always be an understudy to principal roles like the apprentices even though I was already a soloist at that time. That my height was the primary reason it took me so long to be promoted to principal dancer given my rank had lasted three years. That I will never be as good as Junhui.

I let out a long breath as the Barre was finished and Center is next. My next schedule would be to play for another class which is 2 hours from now. Normally, I have an immediate class to go to but the instructor was on sick leave, so I have all the time to kill.

I stood up from my seat, stretched my fingers, and grabbed my bag. I tried not to look at those familiar brown cat-like eyes and headed toward the door. Only for Jonghyun to stop me.

“Yes?”

“Why don’t you watch our combination, Ji?”

I blinked, thinking I heard him wrong. He knows how I feel about watching ballet, whether or not be a combination or a full performance on-stage, it doesn’t matter. Watching something I can’t have leaves a bitter feeling in my gut.

I was about to tell him no when he raised his hand to interrupt me. “I know and understand what you’re feeling, Ji. But just watch, okay? Trust me when I say you’ll enjoy every moment of it.” He smiled in reassurance then directed his head to a certain area where I can watch.

Apprehensive still, I stared at him for a second but walked towards the spot anyway.

_David Plumpton_ was playing and the entire class proceeded to dance the combination the ballet master is giving them.

As always Junhui was amazing. Not that I’m watching him in particular.

Okay, I am. It’s difficult not to when he’s incredibly fast in learning the combination, when he’s teaching one or two dancers that didn’t grasp it, and when he now has blue hair.

“Attitude. Pas de bourrée, right then left! Piqué. Relevé…excellent Junhui you doubled it! Then Waltz and chaînés…good job Junhui!”

Jonghyun’s compliments echoed throughout the studio and I noticed Junhui’s face flushing from all the eyes on him. An aspect that until now hasn’t changed since our first class in Universal Ballet Academy.

Our eyes meet and though usually, I’d look away immediately, afraid I’m going to succumb into those eyes and apologize non-stop for what happened between us; instead, I looked at him and he stares back with unwavering intensity. Those brown eyes of his make my stomach do cartwheels.

Make. Present tense. Although there isn’t really an us anymore, my reactions toward him are still the same.

Our staring contest paused as I hear Jonghyun called my name. I wondered why but then I saw Jeonghan, one of my friends, by the door. He signed if I wanted to grab coffee with him and Joshua. I glanced behind me and noticed Junhui was occupied with an apprentice so I rushed out to the door.

“So how is showing your artistry through music going so far, Jihoon?”

I give Jeonghan an unamused look and was about to retort when Joshua, who was beside him, nudged him from the side. “Seriously, Han. Show some more tact, will you?”

My senior brushed his friend off and eyed me with rapt attention. I took a sip of my coffee before asking him, “What?”

“It’s been six months, Ji. Six months since you have been keeping to yourself and not telling Joshua and me anything nor even hanging out with us. Not to be pouty here, but it’s upsetting that my friend and junior, whom I thought trusted me enough to tell anything that was bothering him, don’t invite him to coffee anymore.”

“Are you done?”

“Jisoo has something to say too. We’ve prepared this for a long time.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have thanked you once I met you two up.”

“You’re welcome by the way, Jihoon.”

“Anyway,” Joshua interrupted, giving both Jeonghan and I annoyed looks. “As what Jeonghan was saying, I have something to say too. It’s a question really.”

I raised my eyebrow, prodding him to continue.

“Jihoon, as much as I’m concerned about you, I’m more concerned about Junhui.” Joshua looked at me as if he could find the answers about his junior. “And I was thinking if you know why my roommate has new bruises every night he goes home.”

My eyes widen a fraction, and I look at Joshua’s stern eyes as if the bruises were my fault. Offended, I answered honestly. “Shua, as much as I respect you as my _sunbae_, it’s as if you’re implying that I had hurt or am hurting Junhui. As if I’m capable of doing that in the first place.” I give him a pointed look, telling him he knows me better than that, which his shoulders slumped a little bit. “Most likely Junhui’s just overworking himself again,” I concluded then sipped my coffee. ‘Needs more espresso…’

“Jihoon’s right, Jisoo. Junhui has a lead role in the upcoming fall season.” Jeonghan assured his friend and I nodded at him in thanks.

“Also, we broke up,” I added.

“What?!” Jeonghan and Joshua said simultaneously. “Since when?” Jeonghan asked after.

“A year ago, more or less. It wasn’t a formal breakup but Junhui walking out of my apartment and never coming back after we fought spoke a lot of the relationship status, doesn’t it?”

I tried to sound as apathetic and bored as possible so that both of them can’t detect the bitter sadness I still have. Both of my _sunbaes_ are looking at me expectantly, waiting for an explanation. I sighed.

“Of course, both of you know about my leg injury months ago, right? It was the worst one I had ever gotten so far that the surgeon even said there’s a possibility I couldn’t dance again. It scared the hell out of me because the one thing I gave up everything for could possibly never return.” I don’t want to look at my friends as I’m being vulnerable. I’m afraid I’ll break down in public as I remember what I was racing through my mind during those months of heartbreak.

“The damn leg injury had to happen the same time when I was given a lead role in Don Quixote, my dream ballet. When Jonghyun heard of what the doctor told me, he was disappointed that I had to sit this one out but he gave me his best wishes. I asked him on who’s the replacement and he said it’s Junhui.”

“He couldn’t have cast someone better. I was so happy and proud of my baby, that finally, his hard work is paying off. I asked Jonghyun if I can watch Junhui rehearse and he allowed me. Junhui is amazing and his grace and strength are highlighted through this role. I asked myself why I was casted in the first place because the more I watch Junhui, the more he seemed to fit the role more. Jonghyun seemed to think so too.” I drink my water then continued.

“By the time the show was nearing, more company members, even apprentices had seen Junhui a new light, apparently. I was at my apartment resting for a day. He came to visit me and told me how everyone was weird and that they were super nice to him. I laughed at how adorable he was being.” I smiled, remembering his red cheeks and small pout.

“When I went in the next day, though, I was greeted by whispers and rolled eyes from a few. In hindsight, I know I shouldn’t have been bothered but I was. Why? Because mine and Junhui’s name was mentioned and they talked about how it was a good thing, the best thing, that I got injured severely.”

“I got pissed, told them to fuck off and stretch. Junhui heard it too and told off anyone who would say bad things about me. When he did though, the bullying somehow got worse that it even reached to the point of death threats.” I bit my lip, trying to hold back the tears that are threatening to fall. “I wasn’t fully healed from my injury yet, but I pushed myself to dance to prove something. My injury got worse of course and my recovery was pushed back even more. This was the time when I got depressed…”

“Jihoon…” I heard Jeonghan mumble my name.

“I blamed everyone, myself, but mostly Jun. False rumors got into my head and ate me up. I told Jonghyun I’m going to resign as a dancer and focus on my other hobby, music and make a career out of it. Junhui heard of what I did and we fought at in front of my mother fucking apartment building. My emotions got the best of me and I said things I shouldn’t have.” I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. One of the darkest moments of my life, the experience I want to desperately throw away resurfaces into my head. _‘I can’t believe I’m crying in a coffee shop, shit.’_ I thought.

_“Jihoonie? Baby! Hold on, I heard what you told Jonghyun. Why did you do that?”_

_“Go away, Junhui.”_

_“Jihoon, please. We should talk about this! What made you quit all of a sudden?”_

_“None of your business, Jun. Go back to rehearsals, I’m sure you can’t wait to hear the praises the ballet masters give you.”_

_“Ji, what are you saying?!”_

_“Everyone in the company says you’re the best and it would only be a matter of time before you’re promoted. Well, congrats Wen Junhui, you’re finally getting what you wanted. Now leave me alone!”_

“Before Junhui and I were together, we were first rivals then later became friends. When we got together, we promised each other that though the path we’re taking is competitive, it won’t bother our relationship.” I wiped my tears. “Too bad it’s what I did a year ago, huh?”

_“Baby, please. I know what you’re going through is hard. But please, don’t give up.”_

_“You don’t understand anything, Junhui.”_

_“Hoonie, please. We promised each other!”_

_“Promises are made to be broken.”_

As I finally finished telling them what happened, I excused myself to get some water from the counter.

I asked the barista for three warm glasses of water when I saw the one person I was longing. He was staring at me with wide eyes. "Jihoon."

“Junhui.”

A beat.

Thankfully the barista handed out the tray so I could save myself from the awkwardness and tension between us.

I swore under my breath when I noticed that my table was empty. Jeonghan and Joshua must have seen Junhui and me. They left a note simply stating,

_‘This is your chance. Kiss and make up!’ – YJH_

_ ‘I better not comfort Junhui again when he gets home. Be rational, Jihoon.’ – HJS_

I glanced back to check if Junhui was still here and he wasn’t. I exited outside the café and saw his figure a few feet away and ran towards him. “Junhui!” I yell.

He turned back, a bewildered look on his face. I probably would be too if my name was suddenly called out at a sidewalk in Seoul. “Yes, Jihoon?”

“Do you wanna have lunch with me? My treat.” I asked, nervous.

Although I was hoping for it, his answer still surprised me. “Of course.”

As I hit the first note of the ballet _A Midsummer Night’s Dream_, memories of my first performance as part of the corps flashed before my eyes. Eighteen-year-old me had produced blood, sweat, and tears rehearsing this performance for the winter season. Eighteen-year-old me was also competitive as fuck and didn't want anyone, especially Wen Junhui, to upstage him. But now, at twenty-five years old, I couldn't be happier for him as the coveted role my love dreamed of, is going to be performed by him very soon, while I am in the orchestra playing each key with concentration.

Violins, cellos, flutes, then drums then my turn.

A couple of parts later, it was finally Junhui’s turn. I send him my “merde” in my head, praying to God Junhui hears it. “I believe in you, Junhui,” I mumbled under my breath; a small smile makes way onto my face as I take a look at my left finger.

'_Two things shine brightly tonight'_, I thought with contentment.


End file.
